Healthy Swellness: 2019 Year in Review
What a year!
I realized sometime late this fall what a wonderful year I’d had so far (and it only got better from there). And I was surprised. The past several years have often wrapped up with a feeling of heaviness as time flies by and a feeling that I’ve just gone through the motions of living. While I still stress and have anxieties about work and finances and exactly where the heck my life is heading, this year I feel I was able to just trust the process a bit more, and in the meanwhile incredible opportunities and experiences filled my year and, yes, I’ll say it, fed my soul.
What I’ll take away from this year:
New and old friendships that mean the world to me. I read some quote recently about how you don’t lose friends, but we only learn who the true ones are. I have some friends from childhood, some friendships have developed over the past decade and, thanks to my work and regularly meeting people on press trips, new budding friendships, and I try not to take any of them for granted. If I say, “Let’s grab a drink!” I mean it and want to follow through with meeting up. This year, I was smarter about how I spent my days and who I chose to invest my time with, rather than making plans out of feeling obligated, and am happier for it. I’ve been friends with Jennifer (her site is Travel & Style) for more than a decade but we only more recently started again spending more time together; this is a photo from our trip to Arlington, VA, this year; I’ll be blogging about that soon!
I am happier when I am focused and present. With friends here at home, it’s about carving out time in my schedule so we can catch up properly. Making time for the people that matter to me. Putting down my phone (Must I post this photo or that photo in real time? No!). When away from home, it’s about letting go of the need to fit in a million things into my day so I can focus on and enjoy what’s in front of me. I had the most rewarding opportunities this year on some longer travels; I drove my myself (a huge feat in itself for me–as someone who gets really anxious getting lost) through the mountains in Alberta over the course of about two weeks namely in Jasper, Banff, Kananaskis and Calgary(the photo above is at Drumheller, just outside of Calgary). While I’d been nervous about so many hours solo in a car, it was truly a trip of a lifetime and singing out loud with jaw-dropping scenery all around me, every day I felt like my heart was going to explode with happiness.
In August, I spent most of the month pet-sitting in Brooklyn and having the amazing wealth of time to poke around that incredible city made me love New York City even more than I already did because I was able to just be there without stressing about running to this shop and to go see that sight. As someone who tends to be more cautious and practical by nature, I’m so glad I didn’t talk myself out of doing this month in NYC (initially I was super worried about both my cat and dog, managing juggling work from afar and a million other little stresses and I went back and forth for several weeks about whether I could pull off a month away from home). In the fall, with an invite to run the Istanbul Marathon, I ended up staying for several more days after the race than I’d felt comfortable with initially (due to the flight option for my return home, I was there for a full 10 days) and that ended up truly being a gift. Wandering Istanbul and visiting the stunning mosques without the pressure of having to fit in everything I wanted to soak up in a short amount of time was something I know I am very lucky to be able to do. I was able to just soak up the incredible city I was in. And this month, just when I was ready to wrap up an already incredible year with a great trip to the Dominican Republic, I was invited to Thailand and spent an exceptional two weeks (including a few days of personal vacation time) poking around Bangkok, Phuket, Kanchanaburi and Chiang Mai. And while the trip started off terribly with my phone going missing upon landing in Bangkok, that upsetting incident just forced me to remember that material things can’t replace the exceptional experiences I had in store, ones I will remember the rest of my life. Like when a baby elephant sat on my lap.
I am stronger than I realize. From making it through some terrible work situations to running a fantastic race where I almost made my Boston Qualifying time, and running a terrible race in Istanbul (it was just two weeks after running Detroit), I realized this year I am more resilient and determined than I give myself credit for. I’ve been told I am hard on myself (but aren’t we all?) and this year I tried to be kinder to myself. It worked sometimes, and of course, I have highs and lows, but overall I think I managed to feel more at ease with me, imperfections and all. Do I wish I were a stronger runner or have accomplished more in my career? Always. But I feel like I’m in a better place to actually make that happen. For many years, I’ve felt incapable of actually doing things, paralyzed by fears and anxiety, but I’m back to being in a head space where I can put plans into action.
I should do more things that scare me. That drive in Alberta, in many areas where there was no data or GPS reception? I was nervous about it. More terrifying was when I got completely lost during a solo hike on that same trip. Thankfully I found my way (and the lesson from the hike is that I shouldn’t do not frequently used trail solo going forward). This year also brought me to the French Alps, and I ended up paragliding many, many feet up in the air even though I wasn’t quite sure it was something I was comfortable with (long story, but I had somehow confused what paragliding was when I agreed to it and somewhat before I knew it, was harnessed in and in the air!) and it was one of the best adventures I’ve experienced. To be honest, mountain biking in the Alps was much scarier for me. It’s the second time I’ve done it and I go very slowly and the chances of crashing seem so high! But perhaps the most terrifying thing I did was white water rafting in Arizona. My jaw hurt from clenching my teeth so hard. The idea of being tossed out of the raft and having to float and then having to try to get back on the boat all the while potentially hitting rocks, that’s not something I was comfortable with. None of that happened, though; all of these scary things, I forced myself to be brave and nothing bad happened. I need to continue to work on not letting fear hold me back.
I’ll be going to boyband concerts for years to come. OK, this is not something I realized just this year. I’ve known this a long time, but ultimately, the lesson is to do what makes you happy. If that’s seeing NKOTB and the Backstreet Boys over and over, well, go ahead. Do your thing. I recall mentioning to a friend once that I felt guilty for shopping for myself during Christmas, and she didn’t understand. “You work hard, why feel guilty about buying something for yourself?” she said. And yet this treat-yoself guilt still seems to be ingrained in me but I’m trying to let go of it. This year, I was blessed with seeing NKOTB once, and BSB twice and did I mention I met Howie? So whether it’s cutting out of work to fit in a workout or spending a lot of money on a concert I’ve already seen, I’m worth it. You’re worth it, whatever it is that makes you happy. In my opinion, boyband concerts totally count as self-care.
Photo credit for this shot of me with Howie goes to Toybox, where the after-party was held; I’m forever grateful the photographer captured this!
Saying so long to the past decade…
With this also being the end of a decade, with such a positive 2019, I feel optimistic as to what the next decade holds. I spent the last 10 years rebuilding my life from what felt like scratch. I had to start the decade with the end of a long-term relationship, then had a few extremely difficult few years where my biggest accomplishment was simply making it out alive (2014-2016 were years I’d rather forget but I try to look at them now as having made me stronger). This decade, I lost my amazing cat Kobe; he was the first pet I had has an adult and he saw me through so many significant moments and that was a crushing loss in 2018. But it’s also the decade I adopted my very first dog, Billie Jean, who makes my heart grow bigger every day.
I’m looking forward to a brand new year and a brand new decade. Here’s to making it an exceptional one!
K xo
Leave a Comment December 31, 2019